It Was Your Fault.

He was a great guy. And she messed up. She messed up real good(… or is it real bad🤔) . Thinking of how bad she messed up, she can’t help but cry. And myself, being an observer, I can’t help but shed a tear or two. And even hate her for what she did (…came to realise hate is a strong term… So scratch that. Loathe her.)

Why the hell did she have to act so nasty towards him. He was great😭. I mean I know, men are bedbugs (…as a friend recently described them ~ what they did to her only God knows ) but if that is a description to go by, this was a superb bedbug. The kind that ain’t a parasite. The kind that’s here to love and cherish you. The kind that’s here to take care of you. But what do I know… I’m just an observer.

As the observer, I’ll give them pseudo names for anonimity. “Raphaela, come meet Raphael. He’s a close family friend. His father and I go way back. ” said her father after the service as the congregants were exchanging pleasantries. She turned. Her eyes met a not so tall dude. Dark. Relatively handsome and slender. He was okay 👌 .

“I’m Raphaela, nice to meet you Raphael🤝,” she said as she shook his hand with a smile plastered on her brown lips. She wanted this over and done with so she could go back and chat with her friends. He did not say much. She was glad and soon after excused herself and took off.

“Hey, thanks a lot for letting me stay in your place as I wait for my ride Daniel, ” she said letting herself into his place. Two steps in, her eyes met a familiar face. It seemed to ring a bell but she just could not wrap her fingers around where they had met🤔.“Oh, Raphaela, meet Raphael, my best friend and roommate.” Just the sound of the name joined the dots for her.

With numerous subsequent visits to Daniel’s room, Raphaela and Raphael got acquainted and actually upgraded to good friends. He treated her like a princess. And she in turn felt like a queen 👑 around him. He was just perfect. He’d make sure he prepared her something to eat. And damn, he was a superb cook. Shall I say the way to her heart was via the stomach or rather good food. Lemme me leave it at that before she comes for my throat😉.

He’d call to find out how she was doing. He’d text to make sure she had arrived home safe. He was there to cheer her up when she was devastated. When she was bored his place was the go to place. They would talk hours on end, they shared a lot about each other. She was not afraid to be herself around him. He was just the best. Her best buddy. Raphael, the initially unknown close family friend turned brother. She loved him🥰.

Soon the sadist her took over🤫. Not used to being treated so nicely by a guy, she became suspicious. “Does he like me?” She wondered. With the subsequent interactions, she realised he was acting to friendly not to have liked her. “Normally guys don’t behave like this. Been here severally but Daniel is never this hospitable.Oh my goodness, he must like me. What the hell?” She freaked out. She only knew to be sweet and friendly to him as a friend. Now she was bamboozled.

She was now disgusted🤢 by all his sweet gestures. She felt like jumping out of her skin whenever they interacted. She ignored his calls. Stopped texting him. And made sure she did not step in his place if she could help it. She turned southwards if she saw him from the North. She avoided him… As the observer I’m left to wonder what the hell is wrong with this other gender we call female? Treat them nice they don’t wanna have nor hear it. Treat them like trash and they’ll cling on. Help me decipher this.

The worst thing happened. Her father invited him to a family day out they were to have at paradise lost. He accepted🤷‍♀️. She had long been looking forward to this trip. To bond with her family. Then again it would be awkward with him there. To make things worse, Raphael had noticed that Raphaela was avoiding him for obvious or not so obvious reasons. That’s if they were reasons to begin with. She contemplated not being in attendance. She was between a rock and a hard place. She could not stand him. But she also wanted to spend time with her family.

“I’ll go. But I’ll snob him all the way. No talking to him. No looking at him. No nothing with him.” This she said and saw to fruition. Raphael enjoyed the day at paradise lost but not 💯. She noticed some sadness in him. But she cared less. She was just disgusted by him. Some of the family members noticed the distance and awkwardness between them. But they quite did not know how to label it and she was not willing to help them.

Back to their normal lives. She talked to his best friend about the matter. This in attempt to make Raphael stop. Stop whatever was going on in his heart towards Raphaela. Raphael was hurt by this. He could not understand why she just would not go and talk to him instead. Being the gentleman I have told you he is, he kept his distance. He respected Raphaela’s decision. From close buddies, they became strangers. As the observer I saw all these unfold before my own eyes. But I’m just an observer what could I have done other than OBSERVE😎.

Days passed. So did weeks. And so did months. Life went on. Important events in her life, he’d text to check up on her. She would then reminisce and it would hit her.She ruined their friendship. It would hit her, she missed her friend. She missed him. She had dealt with everything in an uncouth manner. And it costed her Raphael. If only she could turn back time and do better. She hated herself😒.

As much as she tries, there is a strain in there friendship. She hopes and wishes things can go back to how they used to be. But she’s afraid of facing the bitter harsh facts. Afraid of coming to terms with the truth that the train already left😢. That they’ll never be the same gain. She did apologise. But she does not know whether he accepted the apology. He just brushed everything off. She calls. She can here the strain in his voice. He does not want to talk to her. She texts, he ignores. Then claims he did not see them. She blames herself. As the observer I concur. It’s her fault. So she has to deal with the repurcussions.

Then again,who’s to say the deemed guilty ain’t actually innocent. I’ll be her attorney as the prosecutes herself 24/7. She was young and stupid (… She’d kill me for using this phrase in her defence😂. But oh well, I gotta do what I gotta do for my client). She was afraid and so her flight or fight system took over. And she acted out. Out to save herself. Save herself from God knows what. She acted without thinking (… In any case, who thinks straight when their sympathetic system has been stimulated in full mode?)

So, dear Raphaela🌹hope you well. Hope you coping well. Yes you lost a great buddy. A superb support system. That said and done, you can cry once in a while as you reminisce. It’s not a crime. But don’t beat yourself up. You did not envision everything turning out this way. But it did. So deal with it. Call Raphaela once in a while when you miss him. Don’t get hurt when he does not respond with the same energy. Swallow it all in with a broad fake smile. Pretend to be okay till you are (… fake it till you make it). After all it was your fault.