Faking It!

She tried.

Tried to hold everything together. She worked so hard to fake being okay. To fake everything being in order. Banking on ‘fake it till you make it‘, she toiled extra smart on faking being okay. Till she convinced herself she was ‘fine’. She believed she was. And she actually was…Till she wasn’t.

It all came crumbling down on her. The dam could no longer hold in the water. The pressure was just too much. She tried blocking the negative thoughts (… a daily fight that had been won for a long period, but the battle was about to be lost…). She tried.

The opponent was winning slowly but surely. And before she knew it, she was on the floor and severely wounded. She threw in the white towel sorrowfully.

Tears like rivers Euphrates and Tigris flowed from both her lachrymal glands. Her mouth wide agape cried out to the Lord. How did she find herself in such a situation? She asked God.

Getting no answer, the tears increased. Left, right, centre she had no motivation to live. Nothing to look forward to. The glass had completely shuttered. She had no ounce of energy to gather the pieces together.

Her faking being fine meant stepping over the broken pieces over and over again with a banana smile. But the cuts deepened and her threshold of pain decreased with each passing moment.

Here she was at the end of it all. Deep lacerations on her plantar. Dehydrated. Hypoglycemic. Lethargic. And on the verge of passing out. She cried for an explanation. For some source of motivation. For a sense of direction.

She gave in and passed out. With the hope of getting up the next day. Getting up to step on the broken glass pieces. To smile and say all is ‘fine’. To fake it, till she makes it!